Peep Game: Men show their cards very early in a relationship. For some reason, men talk too much and reveal too much in the first few days of knowing a woman. I really don’t know why this happens. Perhaps they get nervous and that nervousness causes them to share more than they should. Perhaps they’re trying to look/sound impressive so they’re saying things they think will impress you. It’s probably a little of both.
While most books and so-called relationship experts claim women do too much talking and too much revealing, I say men are no different.
If you observe and listen, you can find out exactly what you want/need to know about a man in the (what I’ll call) “The First 48″.
As I said, there is a small window of opportunity given to you within the first few days of knowing a man. During this time, gather as much information as you can about him because you won’t get this opportunity in the future.
I want you to listen to clues about the following subjects as you and your guy conversate:
- His relationship with his mother
- His relationship with his sister
- His sexual history
- His former girlfriend(s)
- How his last relationship ended
- His ideas about marriage
- His ideas about commitment
- His views of the world
- Everything he says about other women including celebrities and personal acquaintances
What you’re listening and looking for are subtle clues to how this man thinks and how this man behaves. Don’t you want to know what you can expect? I know I do.
Now, in order to be successful in this, you will need to do one thing-shut your mouth! You cannot be running off at the mouth and expect to hear/notice anything. Second, when he does start sharing information that you want to know more about, LET HIM TALK! Let him talk as long as he wants. Don’t interrupt him to disagree or to co-sign. Let him tell you what he’s thinking and feeling. If you stop his flow (as we so often do), he may catch himself and either stop talking or, change his tune to match what he thinks you wanna hear.
Case In Point: You’re talking on the phone and dude says something like, “Man, I don’t know why so-and-so wifed her. He could have done way better.” If I had the money he has, I would get me Beyonce or a Keri Hilson.” Looking in the mirror, you note that you look nothing like Beyonce or Keri Hilson. In fact, you couldn’t be more of their opposite. You can’t resist asking, “So is Beyonce or Keri what you really want because I look nothing like them?” His response: “Oh. Nah. I was just saying if I was _________, I would…”
Yeah right! He just told on himself. Did you catch that? He just told you what kind of woman he really wants. Yeah, he’s dating you, but in his perfect world, you would be replaced by Beyonce or Keri Hilson. These kind of comments are indicators. I’m not saying you should snap on the dude and refuse to date him. Just take that information and make a mental note of it.
Men are very simple creatures. They say what they mean. They really do. You don’t have to guess what he’s thinking if you’re listening to what he’s saying.
Let me give you another example:
There’s this guy you really like and you two are out enjoying date 3. During dessert he throws out a comment about his ex-girlfriend that is meant to compliment you. He says, “I’m so glad I met you. I can tell you’re not the gold digging type. I dealt with that with my last girl.” You ask, “How was she a gold digger?” He responds, “Man, she always wanted to go out. She wanted me to take her here and there. I’m not into that! Why give all your money to these clubs and restaurants? Man, she was a good cook but she always wanted me to take her somewhere. I’m like, nah, let’s stay in and you cook. I’d rather eat home cooking than restaurant food.”
He’s serious y’all. He really doesn’t see a problem with what he’s saying. He’s trying to compliment you but he’s really just told on himself. Let me tell you what he just put down:
- He’s cheap. He doesn’t like to spend money so he’ll probably complain about any money he spends or expect you to reward him for every dollar he spends on/with you.
- He doesn’t like going out on the town. He’s more of a homebody. If you are a person who likes to get out weekly, this guy ain’t having it.
- He has an underlying belief that women are gold diggers. If you ask for money/material things he will call you a gold digger. If you date this guy, don’t get mad when he doesn’t get you a birthday or Christmas gift.
Bottom Line: When a man meets a woman, he’s in “I Have To Impress Her” mode for a few days. This is a window of opportunity to learn how this man thinks, how this man operates, how this guy’s relationships tend to play-out, and how they end. Pay attention! This information will help you determine whether this guy is Mr. Right Now or Mr. Right.
On the other hand, you may also hear things that will let you know a guy is a keeper. When I met my guy, I wanted nothing to do with him relationship wise. He was rough around the edges and I could tell he had put a few women through some ish. We hung out because he was cool people and I observed that he was really a sweetheart. The clues were subtle, but things he said and did within the first few days of meeting, were signs (to me) that there was more than meets-the-eye with this guy.
When you’re out on your next date, sit back and let your guy talk. Listen to what he’s saying. Don’t interrupt him or try to debate. Let him talk and talk and talk. Listen for these kinds of statements:
- I don’t believe in marriage. It’s just a piece of paper.
- Just because I have a baby with a woman doesn’t mean I want to marry her.
- I don’t pay child support. I buy my son/daughter what I think they need.
- My ex is a b*tch!
- I never broke up with my ex, I just stopped calling her.
- Man, this one chick was paying my bills and buying me everything I wanted. I didn’t even want her but who’s gonna turn down free money?
This is just a small piece of the pie but you catch my drift. The key again is to observe and listen to what men are saying within the first few conversations or dates. What is revealed during this time period will not be shared later on.
Around date 5 or 6, some switch goes of (it seems) and men stop sharing as much information with the women they’re dating. They will then go back to being the mysterious creatures we know and love. They’ll be watching you for clues about what to say and what not to say. They will try not to upset you with off-color topics and critical statements.
While women tend to show-up date one with their representative self, which is often her best side, men tend to show-up as themselves. Even though they look good and are trying their best to sound good, they usually drop a few clues as to who they really are. If you see any a$$hole tendencies or you hear any remarks that make you gasp, know that this is the real “him”. Decide now if what he’s putting down is what you really want.
Until next time…#peepgame