Some women are unconsciously attracted to men who…will hurt them. They select partners over and over who abuse and misuse them. When that relationship ends, they often pick up with ANOTHER Cat who does the same thing. According to one sex/relationship expert, the attraction to men who lie, cheat, and deceive comes from psychological and emotional values formed in childhood. Basically, some women develop an attraction for men who are BAD for them.
(Written by Virginia Gilbert for The Huffington Post)
“We all have arousal templates: psychic blueprints of what we find sexually desirable. This runs the gamut from physical attributes such as hair color and body type to less tangible personality types such as “father figures” and “wounded birds.” Arousal templates are formed when people are young and when they take hold they are extremely difficult to alter.
This is fine when women’s arousal templates are healthy. But in my work with partners of sexual compulsives, I have found that virtually every woman suffered from some form of betrayal at an early age that led to the formation of a destructive arousal template. Women who grew up as targets of abuse — physical, sexual, or psychological — or abandonment, or who witnessed sexual betrayal in their parents’ marriages, tend to be drawn to partners who will re-enact the betrayal of their childhood.
The compulsion to resolve the betrayal — which almost never happens — is highly addictive.
Pursuing a partner who is intermittently available — a pattern known as the “chase” — can actually increase dopamine, a neurotransmitter that regulates pleasure. This psychological and neurochemical addiction often consumes a woman’s energy, resulting in the loss of ambition, personal values and self-esteem. In extreme cases like Claire’s, getting hooked on sexual betrayal creates damage that can never be undone.
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Once you know why you’ve been hooked on men who betray you, you can take steps to get unhooked. Initially, life without the drama of addictive relationships may feel routine. But if you commit to healing from interpersonal trauma and focus on personal growth, your life will be richer and more meaningful than it ever would have been had you stayed hooked on partners who betray you.
Bottom Line: If you want to change the kind of men you date, you must change the way you look at relationships and heal the need to resolve DADDY ISSUES, EARLY CHILDHOOD ABUSE ISSUES, ETC with every man you meet.
You have to heal that place inside you that is used to being mistreated…that thinks disrespect is normal…that thinks men are bad and will inevitably cheat/act out…that thinks chaotic, turbulent, non-supportive relationships are THE NORM.
Do this easily by giving yourself love everyday. Sit with yourself and breathe love into every cell of your body. Ask your Divine Power to wrap its arms around you so that you feel its unconditional love. Send love to the men who have hurt you. Wish them well. Send love to your absent father…to your abusive uncle etc. Decide that the past can no longer live inside you. Decide to move on from it. Declare you are now living a brand new love life…and that men who are down with loving you RIGHT are beating a path to your door. Affirm that you have your pick of GOOD MEN…that you have a good selection. Say “I will always be loved. No matter what, every man who comes into my life from here on out, will love me unconditionally!”
If you struggle in this area, seek a Spiritual Coach or a counselor who specializes in women’s issues.
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SIDE NOTE: As I mentioned recently, my first book, “The (Female) Mack Manual” will teach you all how to identify and “play on” the “arousal templates” of men. You will learn the proper “script” to use on different “psychic blueprints” to stimulate men to chase you. As you just read above, WE ALL have arousal templates. Knowing how to identify templates (i.e. Captain Save-A-H*e, The Thug, The Playa, etc) and how to play with them….is one key to mastering the Dating Game! This information will help you ladies date smarter AND navigate the professional world like a True Mack!!!
Until next time…Don’t hate the Player, learn the Game!