A lot of women are attracted to men outside their race…but many don’t know how to attract those men! It seems like these guys don’t notice them…or like these men don’t find them attractive. You want a white guy, but only black guys approach you. You want a latin man, but only white men step to you. What’s the deal?
I’m going to shed some light on this situation and help you ladies out! I’ve done my own experiments in this area…and can spit some GOOD GAME that should bring ALL THE BOYS–white, black, asian, indian, etc. TO THE YARD!!!
IF YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTING THE KIND OF MEN YOU WANT….CHANGE UP YOUR STYLE!!!
- I’ve changed my hairstyle hundreds of times over my lifetime–maybe thousands. And, it’s still funny to me how men respond so differently to the different hairstyles I wear. Different men approach me depending on the hairstyle I have at the time. I’m the same woman walking down the street…but for some reason…hairstyles seem to make a difference in the kind of men a woman attracts.
For example: At one point, I was deep into wearing colorful scarves and big earrings. I can’t tell you how many men would stop me daily and say, “As-Salamu Alaykum.” Another response would be, “Hey sister!” Guys would open doors for me, dang near bowing with respect. “Have a blessed day sister,” they’d throw at me as they walked off. During that period, I couldn’t keep the muslim men off me. Other religious guys also seemed attracted to my au naturale, Motherland look. It didn’t bother me, but I have to say…I wasn’t necessarily looking for a devotedly religious guy at the time…
Another time, I cut my hair about 1/4 inch long. Literally as soon as my hair hit the floor in the salon, the women in the salon were fawning over my new look. “That’s you girl!” After leaving the shop, I walked over to a department store nearby. The whole way there professional looking people and women kept smiling and speaking. I passed a few brothers I liked but they didn’t seem to notice me. What I did get was a lot of traction from white businessmen. Go figure!
It was around this time that extensions became “the thing.” Like everybody else, I bought me a bag of Yaki and headed out. I was stopped daily by latin men who thought I was the prettiest thing. Black guys also seemed to dig my new look. They would stop me just to ask me what nationality I was–”Hey ma, you creole or something?”
When I popped my long corn rows in…I again seemed to appeal to white men. Black guys didn’t approach me as much…but white men would stop me and start conversations by talking about how beautiful my hair was.
Being the Playa that I am…I started experimenting with different hairstyles…just to see what kind of responses I got from different men. I even questioned men about their hair and style preferences. I wanted to know how BIG A DEAL hair (and style) was to them. Why was it that the same woman could walk down the street and get a different reaction…just because she changed her hair length or texture.
What I’ve learned over the years, I can pass on to you! Sometimes it is nothing more than your hairstyle/clothing that is keeping the men you want AWAY!
Now, before you get all sensitive thinking I’m saying something is wrong with you–understand what I’m trying to help you get:
PERCEPTION IS REALITY
When a man sees a woman, he has seconds to determine if she is someone he wants to deal with. What factors Play into his decision-making? Her hair style and color, her clothing, the way she walks…. What you must understand about attracting men outside your race is the fact that they may see you in a way you don’t see yourself. They may not be attracted to the same styles and swagg people of your same race are. And, that’s not racist or prejudice. That’s reality!
Culture and environment shapes how we see the world and how we see people. What makes sense in your cuture fashion-wise might have someone of another race/ethnicity confused.
One of the first things job coaches do when a client tells them they can’t land a job or a second interview, is assess their look. One of the first things an agent or manager does when his/her client isn’t booking a lot of jobs, is assess their look and style.
Check this: I once wore my hair jet black and very long. I went into this gas station to buy gas. The Arab guy behind the counter went on and on about how I looked like the women of his culture and how he liked that about me. I’d never been approached by an Arab guy…but talking to this guy taught me what they like. He went on and on about what kind of women Arab men like AND how Arab men like their women to dress. I could have taken offense (like “Dude I didn’t ask you!”) but I was more interested in Peeping Game! I walked out of that gas station informed—not insulted.
You see, everything about you communicates something to the world. Different people will be attracted to you (or not) based off of the impression you give and the image you present. If you want to attract men of different races (and you’re not already attracting them)…seek to understand what the men you want are attracted to!
Real Talk! I’ve met some white guys who’ve told me they don’t understand what’s going on, on top of black women’s heads. They weren’t being rude or racist…really they were just trying to communicate a dislike for the hoopla some of us (SEE PICTURE TO THE LEFT) love to have going on, on top of our heads.
I’ve also met a lot of brothers and latino men who’ve told me they don’t like women with short hair.
Let me tell you a little secret celebrities and models use:
Depending on the project, power players in entertainment will tell a model, actress or singer to look a certain way. That celeb/model will be styled more ethnically or more commercially depending on the project. For example, when Beyonce is pitching a product aimed at Black women, her curves will be accented and her skin color tinted ever so lightly. EXAMPLE: Beyonce’s ’Dereon’ ads. The reverse is done when Bey is trying to push a mainstream product–when marketers want women of all races to relate to her. Her nose will be narrowed slightly using make-up techniques and lighting and her skin will be lightened slightly in the editing room. She may even be asked to speak in a certain way. EXAMPLE: Beyonce’s ’L'OREAL’ ads. Nicki Minaj (and her team) also use these tactics. Note Nicki’s (rumored) smaller butt size at recent American Idol auditions. Notice how differently she is styled for Idol (a mainstream show) than she is styled for say…an urban awards show.
We can debate race and prejudice all day, but I’m not here for that! I love all people and they love me. The point is, men of different races and cultures find different things attractive. If you want certain men to notice you…you might need to switch your style up.
Changing how you look doesn’t mean you’ve sold out! It actually means…you’ve wised up! Do like the Playa’s do. Learn how to Play THE WHOLE BUBBLE! Learn how to appeal to all types of people. If one look isn’t doing anything for you…DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!
One of the biggest mistakes women make is being UNWILLING to change their look and style!
Until next time…Don’t hate the Player, learn the Game!