Ask Butta: I Really Like This Guy But I Just Found Out He’s Dating Me And A Few Others, How Do I Become His #1 And Only 1?

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Dear Butta,

So, I met this guy at the end of May. We were set up on a blind date  by a mutual friend. Well I didn’t really think he was handsome but as the date progressed I started seeing him differently. Anyway, we started dating. In July he had to go to *************  to work for two months. He flies me up there and while I’m there I meet his parents and family and his best friend.  I’m thinking things are going good.

Well when he gets back, I pick him up at the airport. That’s when all the trouble starts.

Women start coming out of the wood work!!! Literally!! They text, call, etc all the time. He gets caught up but whenever these chicks are confronted he’s never caught up. They’re lying about the relationship they have with him. At this point I really care and want to be with him.

How do I make him be with only me and leave his “friends” alone? It’s like everybody knows about me but he downplays the relationship. When I told him it was over last night he said he wanted us to be one on  one…what do I do?

Signed,

Underated

Dear Underated,

You have to decide if you are comfortable with your position on the team or not.  Are you okay being 1 of many?  Is that enough for you?  For many women it is.  But, is that ENOUGH FOR YOU?  You have to decide what kind of chick you are– a numero uno Bottom Chick or a run of the mill “I’m glad to have a man” type chick.  That’s what this situation breaks down to.  Which team are you playing with?

The thing is, meeting a guy’s mother and best friend doesn’t mean you are a man’s ONLY WOMAN.  I’ve seen guys introduce a woman to their mother and closest friend…but maintain 3/4 other chicks on the side.  Sometimes the chick who meets mom and friends is the Main Miss, sometimes she’s the representative chick he wants his family and friends to know about.  You might be the “image” he wants to represent him…but that doesn’t mean you are #1 or the only one.

A man’s actions must line up with his words.  If what he’s saying is legit, his actions will match his promises and professions of love.  If you don’t see a match…you have a problem.

I’d like to add this: Sometimes it’s the unattractive guys or the nerdy looking guys that will give you a run for your money.  I’m not saying your dude is a dud, but you mentioned not feeling him right off.  He was able to woo you with conversation–which is what any Playa worth a grain of salt can/will do.  #PEEPGAME

That said, you have to determine what is enough for you.  Remember though, dating is a mixed bag.  You have to learn how to bob and weave with the punches/game you’re thrown.  I’m not saying settle down with a guy who’s a Playa.  I am saying if he’s seeing other people, so should you….unless or until the relationship goes to the next level.

ONLY ENTERTAIN THE POSSIBILITY OF EXCLUSIVITY WITH SERIOUS INQUIRIES!!! 

The reality is, men who like you don’t necessarily love you.  And, just because a guy sees you every week and calls you every day DOESN’T MEAN he is exclusive with you.  A Playa’s job (male or female) is to make things look legitimate when in reality they are bogus as hell.

Now peep this…

Men have this philosophy on dating: I’m tasting these flavors and seeing which one I like the best.  I’m having fun with women who excite and interest me.  If and when I find THE ONE FOR ME…I’ll give up the game and settle down.

Women have this philosophy on dating: I see a guy I like, I want to make him my man.  I don’t like playing games.  I don’t want to be lied to.  I just want to be with the man who makes me smile…and live happily ever after.

DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM?  WOMEN ARE ON ONE PAGE, MEN ARE ON ANOTHER!

Never forget what game you’re in.  You’re part of the Dating Game.  The reality of that isn’t always pretty.  Your guy could be manipulating you–locking you down while he Plays the field when you’re not around.  You could be dating someone who likes you but isn’t yet ready to commit.  Is your man telling you something that sounds good so that he can keep you in his grip?  Remember, some Cats who really want to date around pretend to want exclusivity because they know that’s what women want to hear.  In reality, dude is still searching the female network for Ms. Right.

You must understand that fact!  You must not be fooled by what a guy says…because he may just be saying something he knows will make you feel good…that will solidify his situation.

Look at what he does and peep game.  And Butta says…DON’T STOP DOING YOU (having other men and dating around) UNLESS OR UNTIL YOU KNOW FOR A FACT A MAN IS LOYAL TO YOU…UNTIL YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE NUMBER 1 AND THE ONLY ONE IN HIS LIFE.

What would Butta do in this situation?  Well, I’ve tangled with some of the best in this game and what I’ve found to work is: keeping these types of dudes in rotation while I test run the other opportunities that come my way.  I raise the bar on what I expect from them (i.e. dates and hook-ups never involve watching tv or a run to McDonalds for a bite to eat).  Plus, I let my desire for a relationship be known…and I let the guy know that to access all the features and benefits of Butta Jonez…(i.e. exclusivity, sex, unlimited time, etc.) I HAVE TO KNOW and he has to prove THAT I AM HIS #1 AND HIS ONLY 1.

Play the cards you’re dealt UNTIL you get the right hand…

Much Love,

Butta Jonez

(Send your questions about men, sex, and dating game to Buttafly Jonez @ ladiespeepgame@gmail.com.  Use the “Contact” tab on the title menu to submit your question today)

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